hmm... wat can i say about today... an uneventful day... yet eventful.... im being contracdicting...
uneventful yet eventful becoz things didnt turns out the way it shld be....seeing the ppl that ought not to see, thinking the things that ought not to think, hoping the things that ought not to be hoped... and we end up doing nth for the day... or wandering with tots in our minds...
usually laogong would asked if we shld watch the next show timing if its not too late.... but i guess he needs to be away from there.... so we end up not watching.... and wandering.... and doing nth... he doesnt want to tok abt it... i can see.... becoz he tried to change topic again everytime i try to mention it... maybe i shld juz forget abt it... since he don wish to assure me anything... or don think he needs to... then i guess.... i can juz forget abt it... coz its not gonna drop from the sky..... and i don really need to care or ask.... asking abt wat he thinks.. or asking abt assurance...
i tried to reason it out... but i still cant think in a practical manner.... but i will... tml... i will....
actually im totally not tired today... physically... but i guess now, mentally, i am....
sometimes... to walk alone and sought thru some thoughts is a gd thing... or maybe not... it makes a person calmer... reasonable and hateful.... reasoning what shld be the right thing to think... what shld be the right thing to do...
i actually had a long chat with sis tat day... she gave me two options.... in or out.... yep... and i really don wish to noe what the end ans will be....
assurance....i'll give it to myself... everyone has the right to not disappoint anyone... but especially themselves.... so when someone disappoints me everytime... i'll make sure i disappoint myself a time lesser.... juz to make up fr what others did and did not make up for it.... for my own sake... i'll make it up to me....
its 11... and my new manager called me for a first impression meeting on sun... so last min... my schedule is all jumble up again... and worst case is.. i haven got them timing becoz they don noe yet....
laogong was tired today... so we end the day early.... i shld go slp too... but i cant....maybe not now... i got a real busy week to cope with.... i'll try to put some tots on hold... and worry abt it later... but i hate to do it... becoz no gals does.... we cant slp unless things are solved.... sis said its same for her too... so tat means im not alien..... next week is all abt me and myself....going for no ending classes do my own things... next week's life is only me... me and me....
i hate to put problems on hold.... thinking abt them later....or putting them or hold and forget abt it later... becoz i cant.... and i hate to think tml about tml's things... i prefer to do it one day earlier... but i guess im slowly getting use to this practice sometimes....
i hate to cant get to slp when i have problems in mind... but tat too.. i think i can slowly get use to it....
i learned to keep the things to myself more... and try to make it disappear into thin air... sometimes it work... most of the time it does not.... becoz i need it solved... to have my mind at peace.... but smtimes i manage to keep it... reason it out until it expires from my mind... even if i don get an ans to that prob... but as time goes... im juz to tired to think or care.... or to solve... becoz there are things that i cant solve it alone....unless i can master the art of forgetting... but usually.... i merely let it eat at my thoughts.... making me tired and eventually... i'll give up....
im going to slp... or shld i say i am going to try and slp.... gd nite everyone...
