although im nv one to be the best in terms of responsiblities, but i always planned my weeks or months ahead so i know what to work towards or have a rough idea of what im going to do..... but now without knowing whats coming next... the feeling sux...
since poly i planned.. to get the job i want.. to pay for what stuff... to give how much allowance to mum...to know what is to come.. but ever since i did not get that job... im lost... i try to not let it affect me that much.. but in truth... it did... because for the past 3 year.. whatever I've planned has been surrounding this one reason... which is that job.... so from the moment i did not get it because of the last round... i lost balance... until now.. im still lost...
i always had savings... knowing that i would not need to worry if emergency arise or if i need it immediately i do not need others to come to my rescue because i prefer to rescue myself... but it seems that most of it has been depleted.. and half of it not by me...so.. without my job.... without my savings.. im so insecure.. and I've been envying others who leads a easier life than me... which leads to loads of complains from me about my life and others...
it feels sux to not have my future planned properly and plus so many responsibilities weighing on me...
im sorry if my complains demoralized you....i just hate to know that no matter how much i've work hard for the past few years... im still back to square one... and i just hate the situation that we are both in now... but no matter what... don mistake my complains for not appreciating you... or mistake that i think you are useless ... in truth.. you are the one i rely on most on support and advice becoz you are more level headed than me... becoz i noe no matter what ..you will be there for me... as will i.. to be there for you k... we are not useless.. we are merely obstruct by things, situation and people.. as time goes im sure we will find our way... love you...
im in a maze.. im trying to walk out of it...