a few days ago and today~saw yiai's post abt her having a fight with her bf. made me thought of my mind recently.
mayhep it was unmatured of me to keep saying those things abt letting go, but sometimes communication broke down in a way that i simply cannot get thru, stucked, fustrated, totally hopeless and i really cant do anything abt it, becoz our tots are stubbornly opposite. Explaination was simply worthless at the moment, and there is nth i can do.
everytime we quarrel he simply have new reaction to shock me, and its getting worse and worse. i never want to know what is the next reaction and ans from him if we quarrelled again.
the moment he said ok and goad me more to say it had me so shocked. i've never felt that empty sadness as much as i have that moment. Tried very hard to forget those words but i couldnt, it juz kept coming back to haunt me. Pride told me to simply let go since he agreed, my heart? simply stop. Although back to normal now, but i still couldnt get that moment and the words said out of my head. Pride made a person so harsh and unfeeling. There are times when we were tgt and i could forget those words that you said, but somehow at certain time of the days those words always came back to haunt my thoughts.
I have no idea y he always had to wait till i cried my heart out, shout my thoughts out again and again until i felt so hopeless then he start to see what im trying to say. although i appreciate that he tries to understand it in the end. but having to go thru that heartbreaking stuff again and again before he finally gets it really drain me away...
Feelings was never the problem between us. Although i've been feeling so unsecured ever since he had said those things to me that day... some part of me knew that feelings was nv the problem btw us.... but still i felt so unsecured...Communication? YES, the biggest and very long lasting problem... like a marathon, a non-ending marathon that had me almost giving up time and time again....
( i know u always tried hard to repair the relationship after those huge ugly quarrels, thanks for willing to do so. but going thru those quarrel is really such a torture and always leaves a mark in our hearts.i really hope we could stop that and live lik we do now.)
my spiteful words and ur short and bad temper... simply doesnt work well tgt.
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onli 5 ppl turn up for first meeting, went home ard 2pm ... met up with sinyi at bugis and went shopping, afterwhch met up with laogong to do his new year shopping too...but before that we went to BJ starbucks to drink coffee since im kinda thirsty and he wanted air-con, and there is this angmoh who was joking with the counter partner and i join in the laugh too, after which while waiting for the drink he told me " you've got a very nice smile".. and tat totally made my day! hmm laogong's favourite shop's criteria increased again, and he looked so disappointed... lol.. all in all, had a tiring but enjoyable day. shop shop shop, smiles smiles smiles.
regarding the angmoh's incident today.. i really felt that i prefered english ppl way of education their child, more open to their thoughts and always nv had a problem with giving generous compliments, small little gesture from them would means alot to asian as we are more shy and are always keeping our thoughts to ourself, nv wanting to voice that out.. and see how little compliments light up ppl's lives!! so asian lik us should learn to be more giving towards our compliments to others, in order to live a happier life ourselves =)
mr michael koh zhixiong : you can learn by trying to compliment me on what i wear everytime i meet you ! Becoz i always do try to dress up nicely when im out with you! don wait for me to fish for compliments! gd nite!