how shld i go about it... duno if that chance was a correct move.. i tot i was ready to let go... but he made me change my mind... after so much have happen ytd...but still we had disagreement again today... and i wasnt so sure if ytd's decision wasnt a right one anymre.. whether that hold back in the end was worth... pls prove to me that my decision in the end was correct...

i enjoyed those hugs and kisses today.. but i hope it wasnt all a farce to make me come back and in the end all is back to square one... i realise that if i willingly hold ur hand or be near you... u wun even bother to hold me close... becoz u think i wld always cling on to you... pls don take me for granted anymre... i wld rather be alone than be taken for granted...

smtimes i feel that it is all words.. and nv action... don always say sry le then doing it over and over again... becoz that way... ur sorries all meant very little... and you hurt me more each time, making me angrier each time...

and pls don always let my efforts of trying to make time out for us all go into waste... becoz im really tired of getting pushed away... i noe u worries and i noe u r tired, so f u r tired.. pls aprreciate wat i tried to do and let me feel that its worth it... i don need you to be the one popping infront of me giving me surprise..i juz need you to appreciate my efforts to spend time with you becoz i noe you are tired....

you wanted me to learn to trust and be nice to you... then stop pushing me away with all ur worries and make me feel unwanted... i tried to be positive and let myself be nice to you... don let me lock mysef again... there is only so much that i can give... if you keep pushing my efforts away... then one day... i might nv try to be nice again... let me feel that its worth the effort will ya?...

im not the one having attachment and getting so drain up of energy everyday, so pls accept what i can do for you... unless you prefer i don try...

everyone told me to let go... becoz everyone thnks too... that we arent gonna make it... i only hope that we can prove them wrong and find back the happiness... prove to ourselves that it is right to continue...


-------------------------------------------------------

**fun facts of the day**

yea, you got tanner and more macho le... happy ma? lol... cant stand you... where got ppl keep praising themselves de... learn to be abit more humble ba ... it will do you gd lol.. =)

oh... and take a look at my friendster comment eh... i did smth quite fun=) =x =p

-------------------------------------------------------

sis and bro-inlaw went for their 1st wedding anni in malaysia... and there.. sis accomplish our second most wanted wish... horse-riding... our first was to have an english garden wedding... she also had it le... hmmm....

-------------------------------------------------------

senghong kor was the first that i told wat happen ytd. he was all behind me in my decision and giving me great advice. thanks kor. but in the end, i chose to have one last chance for us, becoz even though logic and mind tells me its right to let go... but my heart cld not....

took this ytd... his poor neck... sexy V shape...=)
was really bored.. reach one hr early.. was was shima in the toilet...she is dolling herself up after work!
me and sue=)
rohaini( my store manager)& me=) she was fascinated with my phone being able to have frames.
mima with her usually cheekiness.






woke up real late today... suddenly had a strange tot... i wonder who everyone thinks of when they woke up first thing in the morning... for me... even though with so much disagreements btw us.. its still laogong i think of when i first woke up...






















its 1.30 am now.. i shld go to slp... but my mind is full.. cant slp..

work work work... i miss working.. have to wait till fri... hmm.. there is no lesson for tml, no work either, got tennis with weiming, im still considering to go anot.. he kinda hit my limit today, god knows what he wants?! duh... shouted at me in the canteen becoz i asked them y are they standing there staring but not queueing for food during break, was so embarrased, everyone around was staring at me... damn.. then in class when i didnt asked him to help, and he tot i did, then he scolded me and asked i dunno how to wait ah! wat the hell... i can manage the codes without ur help ! and in the end , i did finish my code.. gd riddance! i don need ur help. hmph

i miss work miss work i miss work.

web multimedia is fun!

i actually blog a real long post abt my thoughts. but i guess its too long, so only kept it as draft. didnt post.

sometimes i enjoy, smtimes im angry, sometimes im puzzle. gosh. was complicated.

tml its working time. and i noe im gonna enjoy it. today wasnt bad either, at least we didnt quarrel. hmm.. was indeed a nice day thru.

know what, im kinda confused by him, smtimes he talks lik some guy who does not care for others, but whenever after quarrelling he tries to do the things that i said before, but always did it half way. so i dunno to get angry with him or to be glad that he tried to mend what was broken.

now i dunno wat to think. i noe he tries. so i try to relent too. i dunno whether i shld get angry at the things he tries to do but end up doing it half way ( lik the faling asleep when he came ytd).. or be glad that he already tried.

smtimes i wonder am i driving you away with all these expectations, i hope not. hmm. i noe you were tired ytd. but thanks for coming. ( although you slept all the way thru-.-)

was starting to excerise le this week. was aching all over. but i need to work on eating less. i think that is rather hard for me lol . im sure he knows that very well too.

This is the rare Aged Sumatra roast which is available only for one time and only sampling for customer and partners. not for sale.
This is the Annivesary Roast. Only available for this period of time. while stocks last. ( Unique)
This is the promotional Halloween BEAR! cute right^^
This is this the Espresso Roast. promotion for this season.
The diary by Starbucks. Its a diary aka journal!great! couldnt stop myself from buying it. haha i got it! limited addition! my store only got 10 set.

Botak & Nathan.. currently at Norway. they will be back to Cambodia soon!

Was his bday ytd... lol.. but he is totally tired out.. i can see that in everyone's face when they alight from the bus which took them back to Jurong East MRT from Jurong Island.

Went to jurong and fetched him after his attachment ( lol sounds lik kid=x). after which we head off to IMM whch is 5 mins walk away only. ate at swensens. was really funni experience though, the staff there are allllllll so blurrrrrr . if you are not a fussy customer, you would really find them cute. haha. so we end up predicting how wrong they can intepret our orders. *fun* =x . had a real great surprise from him. so sweet lol ^^ thanks for it yea. loves. really love it. i wore it to sch today!!

hmm, after swensens i went for my store meeting, and laogong head back home le lor. Store meeting was fun! Guys are a bunch of JERK . lol. especially sairul. but they were shock by my outfit. GD!! im not the blur tomboi you all say i am!! bleah!

its boring today. wonder what i an do after cls. actually wan go gym. but was lazy lol=x

ok, missed school today, was sick. hhoho... ytd chat with my PP advisor aka ex-faci, was fun. told him conclude that he is not married since he ave so many time to online and chat with his students lol. and gd news is, my PP report is being approved! no need re do nahx!! happy la! hohoho.....=) head to bed ard 9 plus becoz of the medi making me drowsy. slept for 17 hrs.. haha. juz had my medi, and im gonna faster bog now, if not i'll be back into lala land in an hr time.

ytd i got to know two new starbucks partner in RP, one is in my cls, one is next cls. lol

i mention abt that angmoh didnt i? ... well, was totally surprised he really did came back and even wanted to ask me out. was really flattered though, but too bad, im attached, serious flirting is totally not in my principle. lol.
laogong mention something abt angmoh changing taste. duh~ hey! not all men lik skinny women yea! chubby ones lik me can be cute too! =p

i really hate coughing and sneezing. and this two virus is currently with me at full blast. arghh. irritated. really hate to miss sch. but we are all enclosed in the small air-conditioned facilitation room. didnt wan anyone to catch my viruses, becoz its kinda serious.

and im really torn btw the meeting and laogong bday. working in starbucks has become smth in my life. enjoy working there, being a person who does not need to care if i am abit too hyper or crazy anot. we... afterall... are all crazy people.. so we work well.... lol. am contemplating that after his dinner bday celebration at IMM, then i head for meeting at commonwealth. but at the same time, i wanna spend time with him on his bday... but i also know he will be totally tired out on that day after studying for test on mon and today, then test on his bday, he wun have much energy left too. i'm wondering if letting him go back and rest is the correct thing to do after our dinner and at the same time i can go for meeting. oh god! tell me wat i shld do!?

piggy, i love u huh. =)

okie. ytd after sch, manage to find Tim ( another Starbucks partner @CH ), to have dinner with me. lol. went to Sakae, we are kinda chatty and with gd appetite and sat, chat and ate tgt for almost 2 hrs. He is kinda jamming type of guy,and to me, flirty and abit of play boi( he admit the flirting part.lol). but he is 1.9m tall.. my my... so darn tall... if he is more serious type, wld consider him for baobao. He tells me he don mind flirting and stealing kisses from gals... lol... but he says he tries to be serious bt always end up being uninterested after sometime. To me, thats kinda playboi eh, but a nice friend though. Nonetheless,a gd companion for food cravings. =x He is extremely too free and hangs out with gals after sch very often. And after dinner, we walked for abit. I bought a very cute handphone sock for myself!

today went to work. am abit rusty, since i've not work for almost a week. haha. An angmoh True yoga instructor came to ask my name and told me abt himself, told me he's juz back from thailand and teaching Bikram Yoga at True. He talk quite alot, but i guess im abit tongue-tied, think its was his eyes, making me feel real uneasy. he told me his name, but sad to say i forgot whats his name le. lol. well he did mention that he is sure we will meet again soon. and honestly speaking, he eyes is trying to tell me smth. lol. my first ang moh admirer. so fun..

having sorethroat the whole day. feeling irritated. becoz i cannot enjoy any drink.arghhh. oh i got my pay. which DID NOT include my training pay. *angry* is lik so little la! The say have to wait till next mth.. but got a feeling i cant get it back that easily. Its really idiotic.

i guess im still abit cold towards laogong, becoz of the previous incident. cant help it. but im trying to put it behind me. But currently im fine coping my live by myself. If he needs me i guess he would ask for company, if not, i will juz live life as i live now. I always tell myself i wun ask him out anymore unless he ask me out himself. Seems always unsuccessful. I would always end up asking first. Idiotic me. I juz suddenly remembered i ask him for breakfast juz now. There, ive done it, asked him first again,instead of having him ask me. Im such a disappointment to myself.

and im opening this blog up again, but i guess no one wans to read it anyway except laogong.

i hope the sorethroat can go away.wrking tml. im tired. going to slp.

Its the first day today, clsmates are all quite ok. jessica is not ok. i guess thats all.. others are all quite normal. lol purposely done. she is juz right beside me.

second post of the month, started blogging again ytd.

today's module is programming again, web application development (html). we survived. met alot of ppl in the morning bright early.Saw alan at the mrt station. met up with weiming.co and went for cls tgt. saw zhihong and his gf right at the moment when i walked into the sch. siqiang at the canteen. and guess what? all my ex clsmate are all on the same floor as me. so naturally we saw each other the moment breaktime starts. darn noisy. lol

i decide to not care abt what happen ytd. im tired too. juz let it be. im still living my life.
.
trying to find ppl to eat with me. to no avail. bored. maybe i go sakae eat by myself.


having headache again. especially after coding modules. don wan to think anymore.

Its a new term, guess im back to blogging again.

As usual, lik every other day, every other week, we had a disagreement again, many things happened during the holidays, he too, started his attachment training. And as for me, im doing rather well in work, and its time i do better in studies i guess.

So whats with our problem today?

Since he started his training, i knew he would be tired out, and wun have the mind to think abt making time out for me much, i don wan to stress him abt accompanying me too. so i told myself im gonna accomodate his time and make time out to accompany him as much as i could, but obviously he doesnt need it, becoz he kept telling me its ok, that i don need to sacrifice my time for work to accompany him and i can use my time to work and make money. Same goes for his bday, honestly i would willing give up that meeting if he needs it, or make time out for that night if he wans, but he don, so i guess i wun bother that much too. Well, there i was, wrecking my brain overhow to make our timing fits, and he kept telling me to go and work.

If one day i really leave you to be and thinks that making money is more important than making time for you, then i seriously suggest you find a new girlfriend. But in this case, since you gave permission, i wouldnt hesitate to use my spare time to work to make more money. If you wan to see me, you can make time urself to find me, if you cant make time out, then too bad.

i juz wanna you know that im not the kind who uses" im tired" and " i don have time" as excuses for our quarrels or for not having time with you. i do have the time. but you made it clear you didnt need it, time and time again.

this two weeks is the only weekends you arent working, thats why i was trying to spend more time with you. but you didnt need it, when the 3rd week starts, i guess i wun have to even think abt finding time, nor you, becoz you are starting to work too, and you gonna have training from mon to fri, and you know its going to tired you out everyday after training. and for weekends after work, i wun need to elaborate much. you know it urself.

you have ur own sets of priorities, gd luck with it. honestly, you really is a person who can excel in life, but maybe juz not relationships yet.

sometimes i juz felt im not needed. and it really feels lousy.
i tried to make things work too, despite you are real busy and tired now, but you kept making me feel that im not needed, no matter what i do. maybe you didnt mean it. but you did it.

im sure you wun mind that i don have time for you frm now onwards, becoz you are busy too. naturally i'll find things to do myself. no need to worry abt me either. and i wun worry abt you.

tml is the start of new sem and new cls, gd luck to myself . and im not taking elective on wed, so thats a free day for both working and tennis. hmm, i'll spend my time wisely, i hope.

the tot for Cambodia is currently postponed, becoz i think that before i go caring about other's life, i need to get my own life right before i do that. and my life until now arent totally in my control yet, so i guess things have to wait. im going to slp. gd nite