my mind took a week off, my mind went for a carefree holiday... my mind did not think but instead, it juz live life as it is... but suddenly now i've woke up after last week incident... and im back to reality... maybe i shld juz go back to that uncaring mode... that is y ppl say.. ignorance is bliss...

i ate alot.. trying to make myself happy ... but i guess.. it wasnt enough to make ignorance stay...

back to last week's incident.. i still cant believe that was his reaction.. and i can nv accept that kind of reaction from my bf... im sorry.. it is juz not a correct one.... and u made me believe that ultimately... u didnt really cared that much... and that cannot be changed over a forthnight...

i realise you always ask me to trust you.. but im sorry words doesnt count.. actions does... but ur actions doesnt always justify your words...

im not afraid you run off with someone else.. and im kinda sure of that... becoz i believe you wun... im sorry abt those teasing.. it was childish of me.. wun do that again...

maybe what you said is right... its abt right now... don think abt the past.. nor the future...

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actually i was living blissfully in ignorance of my surrounding, living life as it comes and goes... for the past week, not wanting to think.. not wanting to care... pretendng everything was fine...

can i say im too devastated .. thats y i suddenly decide to throw off all thoughts? and stop thinking....and juz lived....

someone woke me up with her words... and i started to think again... i hate to think.. i juz wanna pretend i am living life perfectly as i want it all to be.. and believe i am happy...that all those things didnt happen...the lies and what his reaction was.. was all ok...that he cared... really cared abt me more than himself... isnt that better?...

i don trust easily... when i do.. don break it.. if you broke it... its very hard to get it back again... don expect that it can be easily earn again... and don expect that it does not need to be earned...


i felt lik a big bully... asking for things that he doesnt do... having him accompanying me while he was all tired out but did not dare to say... there are times when i don mind you want to rest.. im not a witch.. i don torture u... i complained in the past becoz you always tell me u are tired for everything... is it really so hard for us to live lik a normal couple?... for you to understand what i am telling you? maybe im asking for to much...

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what im afraid is that ... things that you will do now.. is becoz i asked you to do so in the past... im afraid when will it start disappearing again... and im not sure will it disappear or stay...

i always thought that things that need to be said... doesnt count... becoz its not being done on ur own accord....not done becoz you wan it... but becoz i asked you to... but i guess.. you don understand that too.. so nvm ba... its not that i don appreciate that you try to change... but ... if these type of things in a relationship needs to be said before it can be done... do you think it will stay? i hope it will... like i said.. i don trust easily... once done.. and once lost... its hard to get it back... if you are angry that i still don trust you ... then all i can say is... sorry.. i still cant yet...

maybe what you say was right... its abt now..not the past... not the future... so i don need to worry so much... and therefore.. to me.. it is that i don need to take things too seriously... that i don need to take this relationship seriously.. but i guess... he is right.. we are still young.. y bother what will happen in the future? lets juz live life as it comes... as it goes...